Thursday, August 2, 2012
just thinking
either im missing something or this whole GFL is nothig more then someone's imagination run wild. ok the GFL talk often of free will and the most common and in my opinion most believable reason for them not interfering is because they do not desire to have any influence on our free will. Now supposedly and i would say for my part obviously, this planet and all of its inhabitants are at the mercy of this cabal who feel they have some divine right to rule and these even is conceivable you take oneness fully into account and accept that each and every one of us signed up for a physical experience involving massive oppression.
i mean do i paper the streets with flyers annoucing the existence of the cabal or do i sit in quiet solitude meditating on the light and love of adonai....do i do both. i can't in good conscience tell people about something i have no first hand experience with. is society manipulated yes. is it done through television and all sources of media in general as well as the political, financial and educational systems......yes. this i know, this i feel comfortable telling people about and while many are catching on, it's happening in limited amounts and still the mass majority are clueless and those who have begun there journey down the rabbit hole are taking much out of context and in general really only getting there feet wet as apposed to totally immersing themselves into this reality.
so that said my frustration lies in my apparent awareness of this great secret of secrets and my desire for it to no longer be a secret. my desire for me to no longer be alone in my awareness. this is selfish. or is it. i mean ya i want this so i can live free and i realize i can not live free unless everyone else can as well or more liek i decided this.
what do i want. i want love in my life. i want to travel more. i want to be on a sail boat cruising the coast lines of every continent and island there is on this beautiful planet. i want to discuss and experience my true spiritual nature with as many people as possible. actually more then a sail boat i would like to be able to travel to other planets for the rest of my life, just be out there exploring this vast universe. spend the rest of my days tripping around from one planet to another smokin mad weed all along the way with my beautiful divine counterpart.
are these my desires, or the ego or god or who......see i don't know......i want to know but it seems like i'm not allowed to know because everyone else doesn't want to know. that upets me. i don't mind everyone else not knowing but if there ignorance is dependent upon my own, well this is a problem. now i'm put into this position where i must influence the free will of those around me in order to exercise my own. now since these elites have gone to great trouble to influence the free will of everyone in order to excersize there own, why can't or shouldn't i when from my point of view this would in the long run greatly benefit everyone where as with the way things are now everyone is getting screwed.
also im tired of sitting around and doing nothing. i know human being not a human doing but what's the point of being if your just spending all your time trying to "escape" this illusion. that's a pretty lame state of being and discounts and real reason for being in this state at all unless the the "escape" is the whole point. experiencing it. figuring out how to do it. how do i properly expand my awareness and why does it take so long. why can't you just decide to wake up and wake up. the first reason that comes to mind is because i don't beleive it. not fully at least. and i don't because for the majority of my life i was taught otherwise. i wasn't even taught, i was literally programmed to believe otherwise. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING KNOW!!!! who's out there, who's doing what......i don't want to guess anymore i never wanted to guess. i have always wanted to know. i have in fact spent most of my life wishing to know. or did i. oof.
so what then.....surely there must be some lesson in the not knowing, the process of finding out or maybe my higher self was really really bored and decided to spend a few hundred lives in darkness just to mae the light that much sweeter upon awakening. problem is that's a really big maybe. part of me is inclined to just sit here and wait it out in this manner, to spend the rest of this life jsut waiting for the end. i know that wont last. i'm already bored, ready for another adventure on the road for better or worse. i will say my concept of oneness is growing stronger. my outlook on life changing as a result. life is easier to deal with under the assumption that all has purpose, that all is one, that fear is indeed an illusion and that there is no moment other then now. the illusion of past present and future nothing more then a day dream. so then what do i do now. i still feel a strong desire to share now with someone else but i have yet to find another manifestation of self that i want to share it with. am i being to picky. am i missing out because i demand that my companion be female, am i missing out because of my attachment to physical sex. is this some how a negative aspect of my human experience or is it exactly what i should be going after, love, full and complete, physical emotional and mental, oneness with one other but then that's not true oneness. i dont know how to feel about anything, my emotions feel often locked in confusion. is this a happy moment, a sad moment, neither. what am i? what am i doing here? does it matter? would knowing ruin the experience. lol i still feel lonely yet it doesn't drag me down. i'm not sure why that is. i have no clue how to feel about it. could be a good thing could be a bad thing, could just be. i dont know. attempting to comprehend that all just is makes me feel rather stagnant, or maybe it's just me choosing to feel stagnant. i could leave right now. there are plenty of adventures for me to chase but i am scared shitless of being stuck outside, of being stuck on the side of another highway for days on end. maybe that's the best reason to do anything, because i am scared to do it. still what's the rush. i never get stuck anywhere forever though and all sorts of interesting things always happen to me along the way. as my ability to be outgoing resurfaces the odds of interesting events increase dramatically. i am not the same person i was a year a ago or even a week ago. things are changing on this planet. something is going to happen, something always does. perhaps if the 4th comes and goes with out any major mass disclosure i will look into vipassana. i really dont want to sit in silence for 10 days, or maybe i do. ego ego ego. i'm not sure i like this game. i'm not even sure it is a game. haven't i spent enough time being lost. isn't it time for me to get some where but then there is always somewhere else to get it seems. the more i learn the less i know. that has not changed. will it ever. does life lose meaning with no lesson to be learned.
i am bored and i am lonely and i guess it is just going to be that way until i figure out whatever it is that i need to figure out.
i mean do i paper the streets with flyers annoucing the existence of the cabal or do i sit in quiet solitude meditating on the light and love of adonai....do i do both. i can't in good conscience tell people about something i have no first hand experience with. is society manipulated yes. is it done through television and all sources of media in general as well as the political, financial and educational systems......yes. this i know, this i feel comfortable telling people about and while many are catching on, it's happening in limited amounts and still the mass majority are clueless and those who have begun there journey down the rabbit hole are taking much out of context and in general really only getting there feet wet as apposed to totally immersing themselves into this reality.
so that said my frustration lies in my apparent awareness of this great secret of secrets and my desire for it to no longer be a secret. my desire for me to no longer be alone in my awareness. this is selfish. or is it. i mean ya i want this so i can live free and i realize i can not live free unless everyone else can as well or more liek i decided this.
what do i want. i want love in my life. i want to travel more. i want to be on a sail boat cruising the coast lines of every continent and island there is on this beautiful planet. i want to discuss and experience my true spiritual nature with as many people as possible. actually more then a sail boat i would like to be able to travel to other planets for the rest of my life, just be out there exploring this vast universe. spend the rest of my days tripping around from one planet to another smokin mad weed all along the way with my beautiful divine counterpart.
are these my desires, or the ego or god or who......see i don't know......i want to know but it seems like i'm not allowed to know because everyone else doesn't want to know. that upets me. i don't mind everyone else not knowing but if there ignorance is dependent upon my own, well this is a problem. now i'm put into this position where i must influence the free will of those around me in order to exercise my own. now since these elites have gone to great trouble to influence the free will of everyone in order to excersize there own, why can't or shouldn't i when from my point of view this would in the long run greatly benefit everyone where as with the way things are now everyone is getting screwed.
also im tired of sitting around and doing nothing. i know human being not a human doing but what's the point of being if your just spending all your time trying to "escape" this illusion. that's a pretty lame state of being and discounts and real reason for being in this state at all unless the the "escape" is the whole point. experiencing it. figuring out how to do it. how do i properly expand my awareness and why does it take so long. why can't you just decide to wake up and wake up. the first reason that comes to mind is because i don't beleive it. not fully at least. and i don't because for the majority of my life i was taught otherwise. i wasn't even taught, i was literally programmed to believe otherwise. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING KNOW!!!! who's out there, who's doing what......i don't want to guess anymore i never wanted to guess. i have always wanted to know. i have in fact spent most of my life wishing to know. or did i. oof.
so what then.....surely there must be some lesson in the not knowing, the process of finding out or maybe my higher self was really really bored and decided to spend a few hundred lives in darkness just to mae the light that much sweeter upon awakening. problem is that's a really big maybe. part of me is inclined to just sit here and wait it out in this manner, to spend the rest of this life jsut waiting for the end. i know that wont last. i'm already bored, ready for another adventure on the road for better or worse. i will say my concept of oneness is growing stronger. my outlook on life changing as a result. life is easier to deal with under the assumption that all has purpose, that all is one, that fear is indeed an illusion and that there is no moment other then now. the illusion of past present and future nothing more then a day dream. so then what do i do now. i still feel a strong desire to share now with someone else but i have yet to find another manifestation of self that i want to share it with. am i being to picky. am i missing out because i demand that my companion be female, am i missing out because of my attachment to physical sex. is this some how a negative aspect of my human experience or is it exactly what i should be going after, love, full and complete, physical emotional and mental, oneness with one other but then that's not true oneness. i dont know how to feel about anything, my emotions feel often locked in confusion. is this a happy moment, a sad moment, neither. what am i? what am i doing here? does it matter? would knowing ruin the experience. lol i still feel lonely yet it doesn't drag me down. i'm not sure why that is. i have no clue how to feel about it. could be a good thing could be a bad thing, could just be. i dont know. attempting to comprehend that all just is makes me feel rather stagnant, or maybe it's just me choosing to feel stagnant. i could leave right now. there are plenty of adventures for me to chase but i am scared shitless of being stuck outside, of being stuck on the side of another highway for days on end. maybe that's the best reason to do anything, because i am scared to do it. still what's the rush. i never get stuck anywhere forever though and all sorts of interesting things always happen to me along the way. as my ability to be outgoing resurfaces the odds of interesting events increase dramatically. i am not the same person i was a year a ago or even a week ago. things are changing on this planet. something is going to happen, something always does. perhaps if the 4th comes and goes with out any major mass disclosure i will look into vipassana. i really dont want to sit in silence for 10 days, or maybe i do. ego ego ego. i'm not sure i like this game. i'm not even sure it is a game. haven't i spent enough time being lost. isn't it time for me to get some where but then there is always somewhere else to get it seems. the more i learn the less i know. that has not changed. will it ever. does life lose meaning with no lesson to be learned.
i am bored and i am lonely and i guess it is just going to be that way until i figure out whatever it is that i need to figure out.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
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